Airline Humour

It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.  The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. 

Here are some actual maintenance complaint s submitted by Qantas' Pilots (marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) By Maintenance Engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And The Best One For Last!!

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget     


I'm planning, yet again, to change my server. Although this time I'm also thinking about moving location companies.... This time I'm thinking about setting up VMWare Server (as its now free!) and running a virtual machine for Linux (probably unbuntu in some form) and another for Microsoft Windows Server 2003 Standard edition ... Hmmmm. Think it will work?


Today I've come across another good reason to NOT use a Software firewall, but instead invest in a decent router with a Hardware firewall, or setup a Smoothie, Monowall or other box. NVidia have announced that their next generation chipset (based around the nForce 590) will have a TCP / IP Offload Engine. This means that a lot of the actual 'work' of a network connection (establishing the connection using Syn / Ack, etc) is all offloaded onto hardware - freeing your CPU from these thankless tasks. What does this mean? Faster network, less load on your CPU for boring tasks ... and ultimately better gameplay! (OR server performance. You choose.) What's this got to do with Firewalls? The way software firewalls work is by intercepting (and ignoring) Syn requests - not sending Acks in other words. These will not work with TCP Offloading.. Hmmm. I think I'll go see if any of the PCI network cards I have lying around have offload engines...

Vista Beta 2

I have (eventually) decided to try again installing Vista on my 'real' hardware, instead of in a Virtual Machine. My last three attempts all failed, but I recently changed my graphics card from an ATI x300 to an NVidia 6200 - so my hopes were raised. Anyway, I've cracked open another can of Magners, and slapped the DVD I downloaded last night in ...   ... my word... The install has started... keep getting input out of range on my DVI monitor though (and masses of flicker!).

Office 12 - Outlook

I'm playing about with the latest Beta of Office 12 - Beta 2. First off, I'm going to concentrate on Outlook - as this is what I use 99.9% of the day out of office ... Good Points: - IMAP Folders now correctly handle the sent mail folder (at last!!) - ClearType by default in editors - RSS feeds straight to your mailbox :) Cool! Bad Points: - Instant Bloody Search - AKA Windows Desktop Search.  I'd actually quiet like to install this now, however, NOT BLOODY SUPPORTED ON X64. So why does it keep bugging me to install it???? - Crash. Bang. Wallop. Crash. Oops, I've died. Yawn. Hope it gets fixed soon. - New UI rendering problems :( Outlook 12 Rendering Glitch

My graphics card, although basic, should handle it fine ... NVidia 6200 PCI Express 128Mb ...

My Desk :)

Ok, I'm majorly sad - heres a picture of my desk :P

My Desk

Ok, from left to right: - QMS Minolta Laser Printer, Epson R200 - top shelf - Cisco 7960G VoIP phone, Toshiba A10 Laptop - HP Deskjet 990CXI - Dual monitor setup - 1 x 17", 1x 15" You can't see the two PC's or the kicker UPS I have though :) Oh, and on the far right we have my Aoyue Rework Station.

I really hate ..

... people who haven't got a clue about the highway code.  This goes for cyclists too - and they tend to be the worst. Don't they realise that cars and lorries need a lot more warning to slow down compared to the actual cyclist? Do they actually know that they should signal BEFORE swerving across the road, and not after? Didn't think so. This isn't to say that some drivers aren't just as bad ...


Thats (over) 24 hrs of being 24. Why do people keep asking me if I feel any different? Eh, hello, what do you think? Ask me that when my grey hairs start appearing (tomorrow that is).

GMail - Down :(

Grrr. Getting Error 704 on GMail when trying to send e-mail. VERY annoying. Mind you, it is the first time it has occured with me. Googling returns some other users with the same problems going back to March...

Mobile phones and keyguard

Crap. I forgot to lock the keypad on my mobile, and threw it into my pocket. I get home and find two messages on the answering machine (VOIP), and they seem blank. Odd I think and call up the call log. My bloody mobile. 31 bloody minutes.